Poetry is nearer to vital truth than history ~ Plato

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Afraid

I never knew how much it meant
until of course
the thought entered my mind


that it may become  no more.
Then, the lump in my throat takes over
pressured between heart and mind


the spirit battered and bruised
as one struggles to maintain footing
in the world of now


and the other, screams in defeat
ready to throw in the towel
the pain, physically, too much to bear.


I have never known fear like this.


Bombarded by memories
all the trials, all the wars
the taste of victory, the agony of defeat


bile now, at the back of my throat.
Where did you go when they fixed you?
What stories to you have to share


now that you're back up to temperature.
The jargon, the lingo, boiling down
to the fact, that for those few hours


we had lost you. Their warnings
failed to mention just how far you had to go
to bring you back.


I have never known fear like this.


Just a taste of my travels the past few days. It's been a hard row to hoe but we're getting through it. As always, I run to dVerse and OpenLinkNight to share...thank you all for all you do and a big thank you to our host Joe Hesch. I'll do my best to get round, but know you are all appreciated.

35 comments:

Laurie Kolp said...

I have no idea what you've been going through, but I can see it's not been good. Praying, my friend.

I love the raw honesty, the pouring out of your real emotions in this, Tash.

Lance said...

I heart is with you. Your strength as a writer has to indicate your strength as person. I know you can get thru this and be amazing.\

another wonderful poem

Brian Miller said...

hugs tash...its hard...i am glad to see he is doing better...and the coming close does remind us the importance...listen to those stories while you have time...

nice write poet

Louise said...

A very strong & obviously heart felt poem..hugs and blessings to you whatever your going through...

Uneven Stephen said...

Oh wow. I can feel the sadness here. Although this seems to be a very personal write for you, to me I take away a sense of the pain that comes with taking people or things for granted - the pain when it is (or almost is) to late to rectify. Sending you and yours some positive energy...

Pat Hatt said...

No idea the crap you have been going through but does not sound like fun at all. Hope all is better at your hall. or at least getting there after such an affair.

Chasing Tao said...

Your poetry goes deeper and deeper Natasha.

" the spirit battered and bruised
as one struggles to maintain footing in the world of now"

Amazing!

Take gentle care Natasha!
Roger

Joanne Elliott said...

This sharing is a healing, which I'm sure you know. Thank you for going deep to help others understand this place.

I've known this place all too well and it is battering to the spirit and it forces you to be in the now, but it is so hard to keep your balance there. Your words say it better and they will help you keep your footing.

Take care of yourself. That's hard, I know, but so necessary.

Blessings.

Mary Mansfield said...

The sadness, the questioning, the sense of regret for things not yet done...it's all so tangible in this poem. Well written!

Buddah Moskowitz said...

I like how you go through trying to explain the physicality of this fear. I could completely empathize. Stay well.

Daydreamertoo said...

Whatever it is, I'm glad the worst seems to be over for you all.
Be strong. Lovely, heart-felt prose.

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

Wow! Very emotionally intense. Good job!

Mary said...

I agree with some who have spoken before. I don't know what you are going through, but I am glad that the worst is over. Your poem was visceral. The fear was palpable.

Susie Clevenger said...

My heart and hugs go out to you. This is an honest, open sharing of your heart.

Audrey Howitt aka Divalounger said...

My heart goes out to you. I do not know all that you have been going through but I sense it is difficult as this write is deeply personal--prayers and thoughts for you and yours.

wurdz said...

The trials that we go through, will always make us stronger. The woman you think you are will be replaced by someone even more valiant than you could imagine.The sense that you almost lost someone dear plays heavily. You have my deepest sympathy. The writing is great. it will always come...but loved ones...cherish the moments.

Victoria said...

Tash, I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please keep us posted, okay.

ayala said...

Hugs..so sorry you are going through a difficult time. I will keep you in my prayers.

Steve King said...

Natasha, We're all keeping a good thought. Hang in there.

mrs mediocrity said...

your fear is palpable here, which means you have written well...

hard times makes us look deep into the darkness sometimes, sending hugs to you.

junesanjuan said...

Hoping and praying for whatever it is you're going through, that you and everyone involved will end up ok in the end...beautiful poem filled such pain... *hugs* :)

jackie dick said...

Aw, this is such a brave write, Tash...heartfelt, reaching out to all of us...who hasn't felt this fear. I feel it with you. Lean on those you love, who love you. They will see you through this. And so will your admiring readers! Hugs, Tash :))

Cressida de Nova said...

You capture fear of your situaiton very well.Fear is crippling and a nightmare to live with.

Vivek said...

Hello Natasha,

well fear is like void created between the mind and heart ..and sometime loose the connect , though its a chemical process on the scientific part.

But don't worry everything will be ..fine with all fears vanishes ..away .. :) so keep smiling ..to keep them at bay. take care.

stu mcp (hate & hope) said...

This floored me... I felt it, I feel it, I know it.

This is poetry

Raw emotion and evidence of our humanity.

James Rainsford said...

A powerful write Natasha. I wish you strength and courage, whatever you may face. Hugs, James.

~L said...

mmmm... I felt this.... I felt this deep! It was as if my soul attached its self to each word.

Great poem and great raw depth!

~L

Bradley Howington said...

Oh, this poem is magnificent, darling! It's a wonderful poem, but very sad. I'm glad you're pulling through, love! I ♥ you!

Gloria said...

all of us live with fear the curious is someones tell and other not I think you are honest to say.
Is about be honest with our feeling, sorry by my english is my second languaje, xx

Charles Miller said...

Tash, I'm sorry to hear life's bearing heavily on your shoulders. I can only hope that the danger is past, as your poem suggests. You capture that fear that death brings to the hearthstone. I am glad you have poetry to bring you thru part of the way. Your words are always so hopeful, and I hope your words will have joy's ring soon.

myheartslovesongs said...

your words are raw, filled with pain, palpable with fear ~ stunning writing but i really want to say that i hope everything turns out well.

Bar None Publishing Group said...

A frightening read. I felt helpless reading this. Very bleak and emotional.

Cheers,

Mark Butkus

Anonymous said...

"Where did you go when they fixed you?" ... This line is the most powerful to me.

The combination of the previous quote and the lines quoted below makes me think this is about a spiritual battle.

"the spirit battered and bruised
as one struggles to maintain footing
in the world of now"

"now that you're back up to temperature"

I think someone let their "temp" drop, being lukewarm or cold and felt the great chasm between him/her and God. During these times, I think we are the most "ourselves," our natural, original selves. So when you ask "where did you go when they fixed you," I picture a person returning to the church, to a more spiritually centered existence. In this case, part of the person may seem to have disappeared ... thus the question, "Where did you go?"

Or maybe not. :)

~Shawna
rosemarymint.wordpress.com

Shelley Lundquist said...

My heart goes out to you for your honesty and the fear that leaps off the page. You are not alone.

Chris Wood said...

Tash, I can sense the struggle in your words and I am hopeful that all will be reconciled for the best outcome possible. It's been a little rough over here lately as well and I can empathize to some small degree with you!